"Starting Again- Why Messy Obedience Still Matters"

It's been a while. Longer than I planned, honestly. Somewhere between life, healing, showing up for people I love, and just trying to make it through some days... the writing went quiet for a moment. 

And if I'm being real with you, it wasn't because I didn't have anything to say. It was because I wanted it to be perfect. And perfection has a funny way of convincing us that if we can't do it flawlessly, we shouldn't do it at all. 

But that's not the story God keeps telling me. 

He keeps inviting me back to messy obedience, the kind that doesn't wait for perfect timing, perfect planning, or a perfect version of me. The kind that simply says:

"Okay Lord... I'm here. I'm listening. I'm willing to try again."

So here I am.

Starting again. 

Not from the beginning, but from right here, right now, with everything I've learned and everything I'm still healing through. 

And if you are reading this... maybe you're starting again too. 

Maybe You've had seasons where:

Your hope felt thin

Your courage felt small

Your worth felt questioned

Or your faith felt tired

Maybe you've walked through trauma, addiction, motherhood, loss, poverty, shame, or just that quiet ache of feeling unseen. Maybe you've been the strong one for everyone else and wondered if anyone would ever be strong for you. 

If that's you, You're my people. This space is for us. 

M8TreArt has never been about being impressive. 

It's about being present. 

It's about remembering that your story matters, even when it's cracked in places. Especially then. 

Going forward, this blog will be 

Honest

faith-rooted 

Imperfect

Safe 

Brave

We'll talk about identity, worth, calling, obedience, doubts, and what it really looks like to walk with God when life isn't tidy.

Not polished.

But lived in faith.

The kind with scuffed knees and tear stained pages.

And here's the good news: You don't have to have it all together to be here. You don't need a spiritual resume. You don't need the "right words."

You just need a willing heart... and enough courage to take the next step. 

That's it. 

And speaking of next steps...

Part of my own obedience in this season has been writing my book, a work that I've spent years wrestling with God about. Not because I didn't believe in Him... but because I struggled to believe that He could really use me. 

I questioned everything.

My worth.

My voice. 

Whether my story mattered. 

Whether anyone would even want to hear it.

There were so many days I told God, "Surely You meant someone else. Someone holier. Someone wiser. Someone less flawed." And yet... every time I tried to set the calling down, He placed it gently back in my hands. Not with pressure, but with invitation. 

So I wrote. 

Then I deleted. 

Then I cried. 

Then I argued with God some more. 

And slowly through the wrestling, He began to heal the parts of me that believed I had to be perfect before I could be useful. This book isn't the result of confidence, it's the fruit of surrender. It is my "yes" to God, even when my voice trembles. 

And if you've ever questioned your worth, your calling, or whether your story matters, I want you to know this:

You're not disqualified.

You're not late.

You're not too broken.

Sometimes the very places we feel unworthy are the places God chooses to speak through most.

This space, M8TreArt exists because none of us were meant to walk this journey alone. We are learning together how to show up fully, even in the mess. We are choosing truth over fear, presence over performance, and obedience over perfection. 

I'm so glad you're here. 

Really. 

There's more to come, more stories, more honesty, more healing, and yes... more about the book that God has finally convinced me to stop running from. 

One step at a time, friend.

Let's keep walking together. 

 

2nd Corinthians 12:9 NLT

"My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness."

So now I am glad to boast about my weakness, so that the power of Christ can work though me.